Goofing around in ArmA 2



Updated: April 18, 2014

I did a similar thing several years back. I wrote an article summarizing all the funny and glitchy moments that I have encountered playing, over the years, the most awesome Operation Flashpoint, the finest first person shooter and war simulator ever made, the game that started it all, the game that gives you that beautiful nostalgic Cold War era feeling. So let's do the same in ArmA 2, shall we.

As you know, ArmA 2 is the spiritual and material successor to the legendary title, and I've spent a holy handful of hours playing it, mostly on privately hosted servers against friends and family, which means a lot of oligophrenia and fun. There's also ArmA 3, and we shall most definitely goof there, but not today. Right now, it's all about ArmA 2 and the splendid kickassery that it offers.

Gallery le idiocy

All right, let us begin enjoying ourselves. To wit, in no particular order:

Input validation is still everything

I like the notorious, almost deliberate glitches in this game. It's as if the developers decided to add them, just so people can get a kick from weird, unpredicted behavior. In the original game, you could sit side by side with your fellow enemies in a Skoda, you could perch atop a Mi-24 rotor and even poltergeist into another body.

ArmA 2 does not disappoint with its own share of glitches. For example there's a plenty of Youtube videos showing collisions between tanks and the resulting bug slash cretinous fun. If you touch each other's gun tips ever so gently, one of the two tanks will get propelled into infinity. Really lovely. But that's not why we're here. I have a whole different menu of crazy dishes to offer. Like for instance, when you collide your Antonov An-2 into a T-34 tank. There ought to be some damage, but no, all is well. No problems whatsoever.

Antonov vs T-34

Then, after you spend a volley of 80mm rockets from a Mi-24, you may find out the Armex parking lot rearranged. For instance, a 45-ton T-80 might end up perched on a thin tin roof. I really have no idea how to replicate this beautiful bug, but I like it, a lot.

Tank on the roof

And let's not forget what we've seen in the original review. Women who look like zombies, gold-plated revolvers, all-night killing fun dressed like the Village People, soldiers swimming when their base gets spawned in the water, the sidestep nonsense, and such. No reason to copypasta too much, just look at the original review, will ya.

A-10A undamaged

In large, cooperative semi-strategic pwn-thy-enemy-base missions, the combat begins by your team creating a base of operations, which effectively means buildings and vehicles falling from the blue sky. If you're too slow, you might get buried under one of these, and then Bob's not your uncle. Exemplar typique shown below. No infantry grunts were hurt in the creation of this image.

Buried in the ground

Or this - push it, push it real good:

Climbing the hill

Han Solo

This screenshot requires a special treat. Sometimes bodies get killed in all kinds of weird shapes, but nothing beats getting fused into concrete with your face in a frozen grin of agony. Han Solo, I call this one.

Han Solo

Funny dead

Let's go back to the spectacular ways the ArmA 2 physics engine can make death look rather humorous. You may end up in a classic Freddie Mercury pose, a-la We Are the Champions, or you may end up hovering in mid-air, or you could be a really talented dancer. Again, I am wondering if this might not be one giant joke altogether.

Funny dead

In other words: Werk It. Hammer Time. Take your pick.

Hovering dead

In fact, it should be something like:

Meme

Image courtesy of memegenerator.net.

Mid-sommer murder, I mean mid-hover murder, hihihihihihihihi, hahahahahahahaha:

Another hovering dead

Dead glitch

Armex & friends

One of the best maps available in the game is the Armory, either in Chernarus or Takistan. Here, you can come with your buddies and go merry with all the available weapons. Then, you can try your luck and skill killing one another in bizarre and interesting ways. Sniping down helicopters, trying to bring a plane down shooting RPG without a scope, artillery attacks and such. Really nice, plus you get some rather beautiful fireworks.

Armex fun

Or you could create your own custom mission and do some ballet in T-34s.

Tank dance, Soviet style

Bicycle race

One of the best transportation vehicles available in ArmA 2 is the good ole plain bicycle. Foot-powered. Grab one, race up a ramp and jump over a BMP or Bradley for max. effect. Now, there will be no damage or injury if you slam into one of the parked armored cars or clip the head of the machine gunner inside the IFV. Like in real life.

Bicycle

Bicycle race, so many Queen references, it's almost Innuendo, stop it!

Jump

21 Jump ... eh?

Or you could try doing that in a tank:

Flying tank

Motorcycle fun

Speaking of things on two wheels. Nothing like a pair of rugged soldiers riding an off-road bike to their target.

Motorcycle fun

Parachuting tanks

Believe it or not, but in the game, you can load the rather heavy M1A2 tank into a C-130 Hercules and then paradrop it onto the battlefield. Rather not like in real life, but it's fun. If you want more screenshots showing the actual logistics, feel free to email me, and you shall be rewarded. Maybe.

Tank inside C-130

A heavy battle tank? In my Hercules?

Parachuting tank

Living la vida Lada

You are free to use this new phrase I coined just above. Enjoy, the best of Takistani fashion:

Lada, pimped to the max.

Lada, pimped to the max.

Driving safely

Losing control in ArmA 2 vehicles is a very distinct possibility. While Operation Flashpoint kind of limited you in what you can do with your cars and tanks, ArmA 2 takes the unpredictable stupidity to the next level of joy. For example, overturning a LAV-25 takes just a small roadside stone. Or you may end with your vehicle flipped over completely. Say nothing of an Abrams tank speeding downhill at 265 km/h. That's how it works.

Driving unsafely

Overturned IFV

Racing

Who do you think wins? An-2 or BTR-40? Well, you can always cheat with that 14.5mm gun.

Racing

Likewise, nothing like a pair of Takistani villagers operating a Bradley. Takes the full meaning of undercover to the next level. Very keen, faces contorted with concentration, that's how you do it. You must appreciate the enthusiasm there.

Bradley, used the right way

Getting pervy

What is that soldier doing?

Pervy soldier

SCUD launches

As always, SCUD missiles are there. They don't do much, but they are fun.

SCUD ready

SCUD erecting

SCUD firing

Finally, zombies

That puts you in the right mood, right there.

Zombies

Conclusion

Is it even possible to conclude an article like this? Well, yes, absolutely. ArmA 2 is an awesome game. It did take me a while to warm up to it, and the franchise usually takes a couple of service packs slash extensions before it gets most of its issues fixed. But some always remain, almost delightfully so, providing you with great fun.

Topping it all is a quirky sense of humor embedded in the extra-curricular activities of war. In other words, when you are not in the mood for six-hour CO-OP missions, you can just muck about, and there's a delightful repertoire at your disposal, including weapons, vehicles, people, and settings, allowing you to go wild with your imagination. Which means, more to follow. Suggestions, fire away, please.

Cheers.

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