I hate pink

Pink color should be outlawed. It definitely should be banned. It's basically useless. There's virtually nothing in this world that should be pink, except this guy. But I'm not talking about salmon fish, cat paw cushions or some flowers, all of which have pale reddish pigmentation. I'm taking about clothes.

Women should not wear pink clothes.

Now, let me elaborate. A few months ago, my wife and I went shopping. I decided to be benevolent and increased her monthly allowance to 25 dollars (in local currency), which she interpreted as a reason to go on a buying spree. Just kidding. In fact, it's she who gives me the allowance, but I'm happy ...

She needed to buy a blouse, something nice, to wear at her workplace. We entered a number of shops, and she asked for white or black blouses. In each of the shops, the seller would almost instantly pipe in: "We also have that design in pink."

That made me mad. First, no one asked for pink. Second, why would anyone want to buy pink clothes? No, let me rephrase that. Why would anyone considering herself mildly adult want to buy pink clothes? What is that blank hue supposed to symbolize? Social status? Sexuality? Intelligence? There's absolutely nothing symbolic about pink.

Green means tranquility and red means passion (or war) and so forth. But pink means ... neither red nor white. Ambiguity? Confusion? Are pink clothes meant to confuse? Wait, are pink clothes supposed to make the woman look more attractive?

Jeepers! It's a pair of pink panties! I'm so excited right now ... not.

Oh-oh. Pink color lacks the edge of contrast that bright, full colors have. If provocative and eye-catching comes to mind, then red would surely do. Combined with some black, it could really add a spicy touch to the woman's appearance. If determined and smart are the stripes on today's banner, a classy suit of cool, restrained colors would work well. If carefree is on the agenda, light, spring colors like yellow and orange are the best choice.

If you choose pink, it means you leave your character behind. You let a fuzzy color dull the edge of anything definite and resolute that might describe you. Pink is like wrapping chestnuts in cotton buds - futile.

I dare assume that some of the clothes that women wear are for men's eyes, as well. Please, you need not bother any more, dear ladies. Your pink has just ruined it. If there's a worse thing that getting your leg lost in a train accident it's a pinkness-induced impotency.

I consider myself an adult man with adult tastes. Therefore, the last thing I want to see is a woman wrapped in the shapeless uncertainty of the color pink. If there's an instant deterrent that will keep me from even coming close to a woman, for no matter what reason, it's pink.

Please, if you're wearing that pink for our sake, stop it now. It's not working. Worse, it has a negative counter-effect. It makes us afraid. If a woman looks damn fine, she will always look damn fine, early in the morning, after 2 hours of running, wearing red, wearing black, wearing pink. The color has no meaning. Nor do the clothes. When a woman is pretty or beautiful or attractive, a sharp-eyed man will see through all the deceptive layers of fashion, make-up and whatnot. The lesser men will fall for it, of course, perpetuating the phenomenon.

We don't want pink. We don't care about pink. It's like asking us what color we want the doorknobs to be.

And then, there's the small issue of uniqueness. All, sorry some, people are individuals and take pride in their character. One of the ways the modern human displays its social status is through its style of dressing. We do it all the time, even unconsciously. We show off our goals, achievements and wealth, in almost everything we do, including our exterior. Style, finesse, moderation, a good taste in colors all contribute to our social public image. Furthermore, we want to be different, we want to stand out, and so we try to be unique and original in what we do.

By wearing pink, a person (hopefully a woman) defies all of the above. If a man wears pink, well, that's another story altogether.

First, she is not original and unique by wearing pink, because EVERYONE wears pink. Second, she tells the world she has no style, character or goals; she tells the world she's a nameless brick in the wall of humanity. And finally, she tells the world she does not quite know what to make of life, because pink is all about uncertainty and indecisiveness.

In a way, it's a favor. It's a natural selection. It significantly narrows down the possibilities. It makes a clear definition between groups of people you should or should not mingle with. And more definitely that anything else, pink is NOT sexy.

So please, dear women, stop wearing pink clothes. Burn your pink clothes now. Switch to tiger-stripes design. We'll so much more appreciate it.