Women + Driving = Paradoximoron
Updated: November 16, 2006
Wait! Before you start flaming ...
This is NOT the typical chauvinistic anti-female article. If we consider that men are rather incapable of doing
simple chores like washing dishes or separating whites from color (when doing laundry), we should not be so harsh
against women on driving. Unlike home duties, driving requires that you pass a test. Furthermore, despite sheer
bravado, most men are not as talented as they think - blue neons, shiny caps, a muffler, and a plastic spoiler do
NOT improve driving skills.
But there's one thing about the driving experience that women do that drives me mad. It's how they sit. Let me
elaborate. A volunteer has agreed to participate in our test and demonstrate the subtle perks of the female seating
This is wrong!
The body is reclined forward, the back is rigid. The woman grips the steering wheel too strongly for fear of losing
control. She tilts the head slightly up and towards the mirror. There is no scientific explanation to this gesture,
although several theories exist. It is possible that the woman is:
Whatever the reason, this disposition is totally uncool and reduces the driver's l33tness rating. It is also
not the safest way to drive, because the mirror visibility is limited, to say nothing of the air bags. When someone
overtakes you on the road and sees you like this, they will gloat.
- Checking her makeup.
- Attempting to park the car and is trying to appraise how much of the 17 meters of distance to the curb left
she has conquered.
- Inspecting the massive heap of bags on the rear bench, from the recent shopping spree.
- Trying to do all these things at the same time (women, multitasking, go figure).
- Generally confused and has assumed a helpless posture.
This is right!
Now that's what I'm talking about. Style. S-t-y-l-e. One hand is gently supporting the steering wheel while the
other is propped beneath the chin in a leisurely Napoleonian manner. The driver does not have to stare at the road
ahead. He / she can feel it. This provides a good opportunity to enjoy the landscape and ponder. Appropriate
accompanying music includes Dire Straits, Gypsy Kings, Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton, and Bob Dylan.
When someone overtakes you on the road and glimpses your regal, haughty bearing, they will instantly respect you.
Advice to divorced women in pursuit of a male companion: this is the cheapest and fastest way to earn the
admiration of dumb men. Next time you seat yourself behind the wheel, ask yourself - how cool do I wanna be?
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