Updated: September 11, 2017
In between difficult, life-sapping missions in ArmA 3, now and then, you want to relax. Step back from the gritty realism and just enjoy the game for its wonderful graphics, smooth physics, and a colorful plethora of accurate weaponry. And then, also exploit the game's notoriously buggy runtime engine, which has almost become a tradition, even since the glorious days of Operation Flashpoint. Indeed.
So let me showcase some silly, crazy, pointless moments, captured for posterity through screenshots over the many hours of fun I've had this with ArmA 3 in the past few years. We're talking bad scripting, input validation, stupidity, and just pure nonsense. In essence, the same mature, sensible stuff we did in ArmA 2, and then some. Party time, excellent!
Some of the scenarios let you fully customize your outfit. I mean really fully customize it. You can fight like a proper soldier, all dressed in fatigues and whatnot, or you can be like Sonny Crockett in Miami Vice. The choice is entirely yours. You can be average or you can be fabulous.
Too legit to quit.
I am too sexy for my Crocs, too sexy for my Crocs, too sexy, yeah.
Chinos for the win!
Whenever you get bored with land combat, you can dive under the waves and chillax with the aquatic creatures of ArmA 3. Just make sure you don't hit the bottom too often or remain underwater for too long, because you will perish.
Speaking of water - did you know that some people can hold their breath indefinitely? Like our informant right here, he's been submerged for like an hour, with no adverse effects.
Get the Zombies & Demons mod, get the Combat Recon mission, and then select your foe to be zombies. This will be a tough one. The living dead chasing you at supersonic speed, refusing to die save for a well-placed headshot. They moan, they totter, they crab-walk, and even in broad daylight, it's super-creepy. But entertaining.
I need a young specops and an old specops.
Got hit so hard, he got fused into the sand bags.
This is a classic one, we've done this before. Bonus points if you hit barrel to barrel. TBC.
Vogue! Yes. ArmA 3 sometimes errs on the glitchy side. As evident here:
You may also want to race - cars, quad bikes, or even carts, if you're into the whole DLC nonsense. Notice the passenger. Seems to be asleep. Hint, he's dead, following a wee accident at high speed.
Roy, Roy. You okay buddy?
Of course, nothing like Armex to keep you warm on a cold day. Just don't get caught in a loop of shooting each other in the crotch with a pistol too often. As you can see, it does not get boring, and my co-player still hasn't fully figured where those bullets are coming from.
The goal here is to decapitate the guy on the ground with helicopter blades:
Johnny, what happened to Roberto? He killed himself mama, se pego un tiro, very sad.
Jumping in ArmA 3, well ...
This does not really work.
Notice the exploding truck flying some 200 meters into the air.
The good ole one, my favorite:
Notice the landscape in the ACOG.
This is more of a crate hack, or as they say, head in the crate.
There were many a merry moment playing in the ArmA 3 Stratis sandbox. The diver-dressed vehicle spawner will gladly produce the likes of frigates, WASP-class assault ships and other HUGE naval vehicles, right there, right then, accompanied by some sweet narration in French. Ah classique. You are free to explore these ships, which I did, like duh. The hull is full of armored vehicles, the decks are loaded with planes, and you can actually use and operate them. More bugs ensue.
Nothing like an overturned MV-22 Osprey spinning like a top, its propellers blazing, mincing you gently to death while you try not to die from laughter. Stairwells and ladders aplenty, so you might as well climb up, and hopefully find the bridge, from which you may hope to operate the ship and sail into the blue offing. Alas, it would seem this isn't possible just yet. The frigate is usable, though. This is totally mad.
We shall discuss this more in the future.
Does that helicopter look ever so slightly less intimidating from this angle, or what?
Chillaxin' with the sheep:
And finally ... Oh ye Linux fans, look!
How does one conclude an article that is 99% childish fun and 1% everything else? With glee of course. A serious game does not have to take itself seriously. Alongside hardcore war simulation, you can always have some cool, intelligent, innocent fun, especially when enhanced by a random glitch or three. Operation Flashpoint had these aplenty, and keeping up with the tradition, ArmA 3 follows suit.
When you're not in the mood to campaign like a pro, but still need an outlet to your violent, prehistoric urges, ArmA 3 delivers the right therapy. Stupid fun aplenty, in high definition. I hope you enjoyed it. If you have any suggestions, shout, shout, let it all out. And we're done.