Updated: August 7, 2024
How long does it take for one to have a quiet, peaceful smartphone experience - Android, specifically - from the moment of purchase, past initial tinkering and configuration, past some updates and such, until the user is happy and confident the things are as they ought to be? My experience shows that the number varies vastly, from one manufacturer to another, from one device to another. With the Samsung A54, that number has yet to be determined.
Without going into too many details - after all, that's what the original review is for - I have a new phone, and I'm not too happy with it. The hardware is good, the camera is reasonable, the price is really nice, and it will have five years of updates and patches. Awesome. But the software is annoying, the Samsung ecosystem is really in-yer-face, the phone apps are many and pointless, and worst of all, some nine months later, I still occasionally have to fiddle with the phone, changing this or that little setting. All of these escapades are outlined in rich detail in four long-term reports. Start with the fourth, and work your way back. Now, let's see what this fifth review will bring.
Big update, One UI 6.1
I think the primary reason for this article ought to focus on the major system update. A whole slew of improvements and big fixes, I would presume, on top of Android 14. Now, spend a moment reading the actual update prompt. Epic images. What. AI recommendations. Ah, the buzzword of the day. I know this screen is intended for people who struggle counting past 85, but still. Let's download and install.
Reboot, and ...
Something rather interesting happened. Actually, two rather interesting things happened (we're doing the Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition counting method). First, the phone tried to "convince" me, sneakily, to create a Samsung account. The post-update phone home launched with a fullscreen Samsung account creation wizard. No minimize, no dismiss option. I couldn't screenshot this thing, but it's designed in such a way that you don't "know" you can scroll. You only see the option to create an account, but if you swipe down, you can skip the step. A lesser human would believe that what they see is what they get, and the only way forward is to create an account, and then, they would do it.
I really wish I had captured this. The industry calls this a dark pattern. I call this crap. If there had been no way forward, I would have powered off the device, got myself a new phone, and started fresh. We ain't playing the hostage game. Oh no.
The second interesting thing - my phone settings were 99% intact. For the first time ever with the A54, a large update did not molest my phone beyond recognition. No barrage of pointless, low-IQ features, no tweaks getting undone. The remaining 1%? Something called Music Share and Gaming Hub. Disabled.
Notice the use of the word "Buds" for earphones or whatnot. The new "modern" terminology. Remember back in the mid-2000s when douchelets would go around with a single-ear Bluetooth thingie, pretending to be important by having meetings on the go? The modern equivalent is using buds, saying the word buds, or both.
But that was it really. The Samsung A54 did not demand my soul this time around. So now, I can semi-confidently say, that it takes roughly nine months and change to have your phone configured for smart, privacy-focused use. We have a new record, ladies and gentlemen. On the plus side, I didn't need to lose a whole afternoon playing with cacky, and my mood was almost happy.
Other things what happened - Google Play be playin'
At some point, Google Play asked me about my browser. The whole "you have a choice, bro" thing. What I find somewhat weird in this list, what's Instabridge? Is that a browser? I really don't know what it is. Second, quite a few options are missing. Why aren't Firefox Nightly and DuckDuckGo also shown? I have them on the phone. Or is this perhaps a curated list, hint hint? Third, the use of the phrase "AI" once again. Barf, barf. At some point, we will have AI enhanced by AI for more AI.
Then, I did some mild reconnoitering for 2FA and MFA software. I already use Google Authenticator, but I wanted to see what the store would return if I were to use the string authenticator. The results were predictably capitalistic. The first result is sponsored. I have no idea what the offered app does. All I can see is that it has ads (which I wouldn't want in a 2FA tool, in particular), and that it offers in-app purchases, and that its description doesn't quite fit what I had in mind. Only the second result is for a familiar 2FA app, and the third for my installed choice. Superb. Peak Internet.
This means that a person with no real IT knowledge is almost guaranteed to install whatever comes in the sponsored field, regardless of how suitable the choice may be. In this particular case, I really have no idea. Perhaps the offered app is truly the best option, or not. I simply don't know, and therefore, I'm not sure I can trust the store. What you can certainly learn from this wee exercise is the search results are not designed in your favor. You're a lowly peasant, profits uber alles, and always remember your place in the greater hierarchy of things. Mkay, peasant?
But wait. It gets better. In the search above, the sponsored result at least had some similarity to the search string, and perhaps, it actually does what I had in mind. Have a look at this second example. The word "fennec" is a rather unusual choice. It was the original name for the Android port of Firefox. All right then, what do you think Google Play will return here? A sponsored entry first and foremost. Facebook Lite! Not ordinary Facebook, but some "Lite" version. Ads, in-app purchases, of course. Related to my search? Not at all.
Firefox does eventually show up, in the fourth spot. The first two results actually make sense for an esoteric search. And then, there's Brave, a browser that could/should show up in the list of alternative browsers we saw earlier. But no. The randomness, or the utter prophetic genius of the Play Store, simply baffles me. Then I remember my humble place. Peasant trash, I must not question the decisions of my superiors. Back to my cave.
Everyday functionality
VLC remains the trustworthy music and video workhorse, and does its job without a fuss. I also noticed the USB connection settings page has changed a little. It feels more stock Google. I don't have any strong opinion about this, to be fair. Some apps seem a bit more sluggish since the One UI 6.1 update. Something to investigate a bit further.
I mentioned buggy search in Play, here's buggy search in Settings. I wrote deep sleep, and the phone pointed me to the Keep Notes app. But if you just write sleep, you will get the correct options. Likewise, if you just type deep, the results will be fine. But not both words. With all the amazing power of "AI" in this world, this is what you have to deal with. I have noticed similar issues on Windows. Search engines, too. It's all utterly broken. The whole Internet should be purged, purged, purged, purged, purged!
Battery life
Remains meh, three days at best, and the 5% total screen dimness bug also remains. Maybe the brightness decrease option under Power saving, if toggled off, could actually prevent the problem. I will need to test that.
Conclusion
It is time to conclude my fifth report on the Samsung A54. What did we learn today? One, it seems that the phone nonsense is finally, finally simmering down. Maybe. No massive bucket of anger was required to re-create a harmonious, privacy-rich experience this time around. The 6.1 update went fine, and the device works pretty much the same. Good. How it should be, really.
There are some odds problems here and there, still. A handful of apps aren't as responsive as they used to be. The battery usage could be a lot better. The camera behaved, the old Gallery photo deletion bug is gone. The screen dimness issue remains, though. I was thoroughly disappointed by Google Play. All in all, perhaps the A54 did deliver a bit more gracefully this time, but I remain largely apathetic to negative about this device. Well, that would be all for today. Enjoy your Dystopian Internet, fellow peasants, and remember your place!
Cheers.