Updated: February 24, 2007
First, I'm a bloody genius. Honestly. You will soon find out why.
Second, have you ever seen a zombie? I have.
Zombie, what is it?Dictionary.com has a very nice description:
- (in voodoo)
- the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.
- the supernatural force itself.
- a person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton.
- an eccentric or peculiar person.
|A man right after the shopping spree|
|This image is taken from Flickr and is distributed under CC BY-SA license; courtesy of ioerror|
Now that we have defined the meaning of the word, it's time to find the zombies.
Actually, they are very easy to find. Any store / shop selling garments / shoes will have zombies in and around it. They will usually be male, married and coerced into accompanying their wives to the locale.
Zombies will usually manifest one or several of the following :
- Slow, slouching walk, characterized by a slight bow and a head facing at an odd angle upwards or downwards; zombies will often drag their feet (they can be heard from a distance, freep freep). Examining a zombie's shoes will show that the outer edges of the soles are more worn out than the rest.
- Arms hanging listlessly by the body, usually weighted by costly burden.
- A blank facial expression typical of POWs or people sunk in deep meditation.
Some studies show that the three greatest pleasures in a woman's life are sex, weddings and shopping. On the other hand, most men do not possess the genetic qualities to patiently burrow, sift, comb, browse, and rummage through heaps of clothes and shoes, which all look very much alike.
This here sounds like a conflict of interests. Therefore, I, the genius, have come with an idea that will revolutionize the man-woman credit card relationship(s) and hereby strike my claim on this invention:
Introduce video game machines to women's stores!!!
The concept goes like this:
All the while the women think they are misunderstood and unappreciated.
The image of the arcade (Retro Arcade) is
taken from Flickr and is distributed under CC BY-NC-SA license; courtesy of Petromyzon
The image of the smile (Smile) is taken from Flickr and is distributed under CC BY license; courtesy of cadmanof50s
The minutes of my idea include all sorts of fine details that will make the offer all the more inveigling.
- Once the couple enters the shop, the woman buys game chips and hands them over to her hubby.
- The joyful man scarpers toward the game machines and starts to play, joining other gleeful men. The assortment of games should include racing cars and flight simulators, martial arts one-on-one simulators, and first person shooters.
- The woman is free to roam the store and bleed the budget.
Everyone's a winner. Not only is Bob your uncle, but Bobbina is your aunt, too!
- The woman is pleased that she can enjoy an unperturbed session of credit card swiping without a sniveling, pouting husband nagging at her all the time, both temporally and financially.
- The woman is pleasantly surprised that her husband is actually willing to accompany her on her shopping crusades, which shows that he has evolved emotionally and sympathizes with her needs.
- The dude is exuberant that he can spend some time with other men, playing carefree games.
- The man is more than happy to be able to avoid the shopping duties - and to his sheer astonishment - replace them with something nice, instead of the usual guilt sessions he's been used to before.
- The retailer notices that he has more customers coming to his shop.
- The retailer notices that the average time (and money) the women spend in his shop has dramatically increased since he introduced the arcades.
- The retailer notices the extra revenue earned from the gaming machine - a humble yet proud contribution.
- The retailer also thinks about adding a bar, with drinks and snacks for exhausted players.
This complex diagram sums it up nicely:
The image of the monkey (Monkey) is
taken from Flickr and is distributed under CC BY-SA license; courtesy of Jeff Kubina
The image of the devil (Devil goat) is taken from Wikipedia and is distributed under GNU FDL license
The image of the vampiress (Girl in vampire costume) is taken Wikipedia and is distributed under GNU FDL license
You see? I'm a genius.