Women + Driving = Paradoximoron

Updated: November 16, 2006

Wait! Before you start flaming ...

This is NOT the typical chauvinistic anti-female article. If we consider that men are rather incapable of doing simple chores like washing dishes or separating whites from color (when doing laundry), we should not be so harsh against women on driving. Unlike home duties, driving requires that you pass a test. Furthermore, despite sheer bravado, most men are not as talented as they think - blue neons, shiny caps, a muffler, and a plastic spoiler do NOT improve driving skills.

But there's one thing about the driving experience that women do that drives me mad. It's how they sit. Let me elaborate. A volunteer has agreed to participate in our test and demonstrate the subtle perks of the female seating posture.

This is wrong!

Driving wrong

The body is reclined forward, the back is rigid. The woman grips the steering wheel too strongly for fear of losing control. She tilts the head slightly up and towards the mirror. There is no scientific explanation to this gesture, although several theories exist. It is possible that the woman is:

Whatever the reason, this disposition is totally uncool and reduces the driver's l33tness rating. It is also not the safest way to drive, because the mirror visibility is limited, to say nothing of the air bags. When someone overtakes you on the road and sees you like this, they will gloat.

This is right!

Driving right

Now that's what I'm talking about. Style. S-t-y-l-e. One hand is gently supporting the steering wheel while the other is propped beneath the chin in a leisurely Napoleonian manner. The driver does not have to stare at the road ahead. He / she can feel it. This provides a good opportunity to enjoy the landscape and ponder. Appropriate accompanying music includes Dire Straits, Gypsy Kings, Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton, and Bob Dylan.

When someone overtakes you on the road and glimpses your regal, haughty bearing, they will instantly respect you. Advice to divorced women in pursuit of a male companion: this is the cheapest and fastest way to earn the admiration of dumb men. Next time you seat yourself behind the wheel, ask yourself - how cool do I wanna be?