ArmA 3 DLC suckfest



Updated: June 24, 2015

There is nothing sadder than seeing your hero turn to the dark side. As it happens, Bohemia Interactive, the maker of the finest FPS franchise in the history of mankind, has decided to abandon its loyal userbase of serious, adult players and start catering to the pseudo-hipster generation of idiots by offering micro transaction services in their ArmA 3 game. Also known as downloadable content, DLC, this acronym stands for Destroy Loving Customers.

So what is this all about? Recently, I had a hefty 1.9 GB update available in ArmA 3, which I grabbed and installed, then went about playing and whatnot. In one of the missions, while trying to use some of the available vehicles, I was told that this was a locked item, and that I could purchase it if I wanted. The first thing I did was check the name of the game, and yes it was ArmA 3. Then, I took a couple of screenshots and started writing this article.

Purchase crap, teaser

Why DLC is crap

First of all, I paid for the game, long before it was officially released, and as someone who has PAID for the game, I expect to be able to use it. Like when you buy a car, all of the features are unlocked. You do not need to buy upgrades to unlock hidden features. Not being able to utilize some pieces of the game is a filthy deception that was not clearly communicated and clarified during the initial purchase. Hence, deception.

Purchase to unlock crap

Secondly, the DLC is being advertised aggressively. Many missions feature those cargo-carrier helicopters and go-carts for no good reason, just so you would walk past them and wonder if you could have a bit of extra fun, only to discover that the items are locked. Then, upon exiting the mission, you are offered to buy these items again, but wait. There's a trick. You cannot just exit. You have to WAIT FOR TEN BLOODY SECONDS before the Continue button becomes clickable.

Cannot continue

Cannot continue, another

Premium content your mom, let me play, you greedy suckers.

So basically, not only are you not allowed to enjoy the game in the fullest, for which you paid top dollar, you are now forced to watch advertisement for 10 seconds before you can move on. Much like shitty ads on Youtube, but then Youtube is a free service, and it's also a classic representative of the general moronity of this world. On the other hand, ArmA 3 is a payware product, which means there should be no peddling and begging for money, plus it is supposed to represent something better, sometime purer, something that is above the common dross of the society.

Why this is a failure

Bohemia Interactive did the same mistake Mozilla did with Firefox. They pissed on their collective community of loyal followers. Let me clarify why this is so. I bought the original OFP some fifteen years ago, and I was instantly hooked. I bought the two expansion campaigns without slightest doubt or remorse, happily shelling my student money on great, amazing games. I followed up with the interim ArmA, then the most awesome ArmA and all its campaigns. I even bought the anniversary edition to support the company even though I had all the old titles, grabbed ArmA 3 as early as I could despite the beta status, and wrote a whole bunch of glowing reviews praising Bohemia Interactive.

This is what a LOYAL customer does.

This is how Bohemia Interactive got so famous. It offered a serious, non-nonsense combat simulator to adults, and gave them the opportunity to enjoy unparalleled realism and fun. We never complained about the price or the fact the game had sequels, and they were all good and fun.

But now, Bohemia Interactive has decided to change direction. Instead of staying true to its fans, the very people who have made it what it is, they are now peddling shit. Pure, unfiltered shit. DLC is the domain of the mobile diarrhea, DLC is the crap that makes the modern computing suck big time. Rather than having a proper experience, you are spoon fed tiny bits, you pay for would-be upgrades, and the whole things changes from raw gaming fun into a sort of a click-to-continue masturbation. Fuck that shit.

Screw you

Conclusion

I have spent more money on Bohemia than any other game vendor. Any other. I think I have spent probably around 500 dollars combined on its games. And now, I think I will probably not be buying their stuff anymore, because I refuse to be a monkey that screams any time my dingleberries are pulled. ArmA 3 is a fun game, although the non-Cold War setting and the new futuristic vehicles are slightly less fun than before.

But that's less important, because you can skin and mod the game, and still have raw, brutal fun the way it's meant to be, until you find one of those locked items, and you are taken away from your enjoyment into a Californian mobile bukakke center, where they try to wean you off some extra quiche. You want me to spend more money? Fair enough. Create a sequel, and I will gladly buy it, with all that it offers, including new vehicles and new items and whatnot. But don't sell me this sub-100 IQ crap with micro-transactions diarrhea. And the worst part is my sense of disappointment and betrayal. The fact that a great, great, legendary company has decided to sell its morals and become yet another mainstream vomit producer.

There's my message to you Bohemia. And a warning. You will fail if you continue this way. And if you read my other articles and predictions, then you know I'm right. Abandon this DLC shit and focus on pumping out unlimited sequels and campaigns. That will be perfect, and you will retain your integrity. Otherwise, you will be lost in the sea of shit, and there are better floaters around, with far more experience. Yippie ki-yay.

Cheers.

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