Updated: September 16, 2026
By now, you are probably a tiny bit tired reading about my unhappy experience with the Samsung A54, and another long-term report is most likely not going to make much difference. But, I bought the device and unless it really pisses me off, I intended to use it until it croaks, because I respect money and don't want to spend frivolously on gadgets. Every time I use my old, crummy devices some more and not buy new stuff because the tech overlords want me to, I get a sweet sense of satisfaction in me bones.
Last time, we covered quite a bit really, including the big One UI 8.5 update. You would think the three months since wouldn't yield much merriment, oh but they do. I encountered a whole merry bunch of curious stuff, stupid stuff, and then some. Let me regale you with another story of what modern consumerism means in the hands of an el grumpo dinosaurus tex. Commence we must.
Phone updates
I skipped the June patch, so when I did update in August, the phone offered two monthly sets. Both were about 250 MB in size, and each took about five minutes to complete. I ran the setup on a fully loaded phone, and I'm happy to say the change dropped a mere 2% over two consecutive patches. I couldn't find anything new and naughty in the system, so that's good, too. But why not offer cumulative updates?
"Great new features"
Above notwithstanding, I got a ping, a notification, and I guess Google informed me how my phone got these amazing new features. I always dismiss such prompts, but for the sake of posterity, I decided to screenshot the tour, to show you what I saw. And look at those "slides." Talk and type in one place. What. Bring your conversations to life. What. What does that even mean?
Gemini is now on Android Auto. Upgrade your drive, hands free, oh sweet humanity. Tackle complex tasks, summarize long texts, and even brainstorm ideas. What. What! Hello! Auto! Driving! The driver is supposed to FOCUS ON THE BLOODY ROAD. The driver has one job and that's safety. Everything else can wait for the home or the office, you workaholic robots.
Then, there's the QR code quick share. No. Just no. Nope. Nopety nope. Get an alert when friends arrive. What. What's with this obsessive almost-stalking pinpoint location nonsense? Why would any human with actual friends and family keep a by-the-meter GPS track of others? So yeah, "great" new features.
Play Store and AI
If you've read my thousand articles on this or that phone, this or that Android, then you know how much I detest the modern store experience, with the overload of ads and nonsense the whole notion of safety and developer verification and then constant goading to install this and that, and get the normies sucked into the Borg machine. Well, in the recent month or so, every single ad seems to be about "AI", including Gemini that I disabled but cannot uninstall, of course.
Look at those silly, pointless ads. I mean, the Gemini one is hilarious. Seamlessly combine text, photos and videos to create videos! Couldn't they at least have used a spellchecker or thesaurus (even AI-powered) so the ad doesn't have the word "video" show twice in such a crude manner? At the very least: combine text, photos and videos to create clips, to create content, to create footage, to create memorable moment, some nonsense, whatever. But videos to create videos? A poor choice of phrasing, and not very inspiring. Hi hi.
Auto Blocker in action - and it's all a dud
Another modern gem. I've already told you about Android security, the Samsung flavor, which includes Auto Blocker. Now, you can toggle most things on/off manually, but the one supposed advantage of this tool is that it can scan incoming messages (emphasis on incoming) for potential malware. Sounds good.
Except. It doesn't work. I encountered not one but two cases of false positives. First, I was looking at a collection of my own photos, in this case of a peacock. A feathery animal. Auto Blocker decided to flag one of the photos. I was so stunned I forgot to take a screenshot and show you. The second time, it blocked a photo of a human, one of about 100 photos, pretty much all identical. Again, photos I've taken, nothing that anyone sent me. This time, I was prepared, and I screenshot the image gallery.
I would then click on the blocked photo, and it would show ... and Auto Blocker would never flag them again. So far, it's never done anything with any incoming media, but it has flagged two of my own. Considering where the world is headed, and the recent morality filtering I encountered with memes, I decided to toggle Auto Blocker to off. So much for that. In general, Samsung's approach is annoying, because if you want certain features, you need to turn App protection on, but this means McAfee's malware scanner. You cannot not have that as part of the deal. All right then. Besides, why would I use a tool that has so far only shown false positives, and so obvious and silly at that. My photos. Very simple. Unless we want to be extra cynical and say: well, it's yet more content scanning, yet more privacy meddling, yet another step in the wrong direction.
And it goes off, rightie then!
Other things
The usual deal, really. I didn't notice any tweaks to my security or privacy stance, which is good. The battery offers middling results, but that ain't new. I have blocked system updates for Google, and it shows all sorts of wonders as available or not installed, like the the crappy SafetyCore morality module, Android Developer Verifier, which I guess will, if installed, block apps that do not meet the approval of the overlords, and then some. I don't care. Also notice, how I have "up to date" Android System Intelligence and System parental controls, but these apps are both disabled. The AR nonsense is also disabled, of course, and Device Health Services isn't compatible with the device, anymore, apparently, lolzor. Either way, I don't care, and I'm curious, on a semi-scientific level, how an Android system behaves when you don't give it all the modern crap stuff it supposedly needs, for "your" security.
Essential layer for security, is it, though?
Conclusion
Well, what can I say? Another report, another rant. The smartphone experience has transformed from the on-the-go convenience to utter dross, with would-be AI shoehorned everywhere, without any regard to style, class, relevance, or anything, for that matter. Just a deluge of crap, without essence or finesse. My latest article reflects that quite vividly. Let's not forget the usability element, too. Or videos to create videos. Don't forget that! The power of AI compels you!
Now, to Samsung's credit, they are doing a few things right: a) even though I dislike their hyperactive UI, at least they try to bring some color and fun into the otherwise drab and gray world of mobile computing b) they churn out monthly security updates, steadily and consistently 3) they bring security features to the market usually before the competitors 4) three years in, the A54 performance is still good, and hasn't been ruined by several subsequent major One UI upgrades. So I can't say it's all bad or negative, but the modern nonsense overload ruins the experience.
I still stand by my first impressions from 2023. Samsung's hardware is good, they do security and updates quite well. It's such a shame that the software cannot match the actual metal and plastic, and that we are all forced to endure such low-IQ interfaces, because money must be made off idiots. But hey, that's life. Funnily enough, my experience with Fairphone, and even more importantly, my brief encounter with the Pixel Pro, made me appreciate the A54 a bit more. I still don't like it, but in all this mobile computing chaos and noise, Samsung at least seems to have nailed its own brand identity and software patching. Apparently, it's not an easy thing to do. That would be all from me, until the next time. Grump away.
Cheers.